Skip to main content

The Biggest Red Flag That Your Partner is Not "The One"

You have a date with your new love interest on Friday, so you start planning on Tuesday.  What will you wear?  How should you behave?  What will you talk about?  If you are spending an inordinate amount of time strategizing your outfit, your hairstyle, and even your conversation topics before going on a date with your new paramour, you are probably not dating the right person. 
How do you feel when the two of you are together?  Amorous or anxious? Experiencing stage frightevery time the two of you go on a date, hoping you look good enough, are charming enough, or say all of the right things, is an uncomfortable, awkward way to spend an evening, and signals that you are probably in a relational mismatch.  Sure, he or she might be a great person, but not for you.
Stage Fright: Performance AnxietyPredicts Failure
A date should not feel like a performance.  Dinner conversation should not feel like a police interrogation under a harsh spotlight.  Although your emotions are subjective, and your partner likely has no idea of the stress you are feeling, your anxiety will not sustain a successful relationship. 
article continues after advertisement
In the long run, no one wants to continue participating in an activity that creates stress and discomfort.  Whether it is a dangerous sport, a speaking engagement, or aleadership role that requires taking on heavy responsibility, we are unable (and ultimately unwilling) to remain in a state of heightened anxiety and mental distress. 
And with good reason.  Performance anxiety is the opposite of well-being. Sure, it is natural to want to make a good impression on your new love interest.  But if you are overly self-conscious, you are definitely not enjoying the relationship the way that you should.  Even taking into consideration the fact that some people are naturally insecure, your significant other should make you feel comfortable being you.
Emotional Intoxication: Healthy or Harmful?
Ok, so you still get excited thinking about the next date with your new paramour, feelings of inadequacy and all.  Isn´t that a good thing?  Not necessarily.  Your enthusiasm does not guarantee reciprocity, and expectancy does not create chemistry.  In other words, excitement and anticipation are not the standards by which to judge whether or not you are in a healthy relationship. 
article continues after advertisement
Dating someone who arouses feelings of inadequacy and self-critique makes for an unhealthy, uncomfortable relationship.  Mackinnon et al. in “Caught in a Bad Romance” (2012) note that perfectionistic concerns such as harsh self-scrutiny and extreme reactions to perceived failures create vulnerability to depression.[i]
Yet even if you are prone to self-critique, there are ways to maximize the chances of selecting partners who make you feel good about yourself.  Who validate and affirm who you are—not who you wish you were.  The key is to learn to recognize the difference between infatuation and attachment.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Drug-fuelled thug attacked man with machete, bottled Co-op worker and rammed car containing child Read more at: https://www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/news/drug-fuelled-thug-attacked-man-with-machete-bottled-co-op-worker-and-rammed-car-containing-child-1-9224580

0 HAVE YOUR SAY A THUG attacked a man with a machete, deliberately crashed into a car in which a child was travelling then attacked a Co-op worker with a bottle when she refused to serve him beer. Nathaniel Stobart was locked up for more than four years over three separate drink and cocaine-fulled offences in Leeds. An adult and child had to jump out of the way of the road rage incident which took place during a Monday morning rush hour. Leeds Crown Court heard the victim of the machete attack almost lost his fingers in the attack. Michael Collins, prosecuting, described how Stobart became violent after spending the evening drinking at a house in Horsforth. Stobart attacked the victim after an argument, punching him unconscious. The 27-year-old then removed an ornamental machete from a wall. The victim suffered serious cuts to his hands as he grabbed the blade in order to protect himself. One of his fingers was almost severed off. He had to undergo surgery and spent 12 days in hospita...
Post a Comment
Read more

Man pays N2.1 million bride price then finds out his bae is already taken

- A man paid N2.1 million for a woman who played him, and now her family won't give the money back - His story led to another man sharing a similar incident, where he paid N1. 8 million for a woman who cheated on him - Their stories led to social media users thinking fathers were using their daughters to get rich A man paid N2.1 miilion for a woman he loved in then he found out she was busy with someone else. Now, her family won't give his money back. Metro FM posted the man's story on their Facebook page. In 2016, an unidentified man paid a lot of money to marry the woman of his dreams, but after he found out he was not the only man in her life, he asked for his N2.1 million back. However, her family has since refused to pay back the lobola he paid for their daughter. "I paid N2.1 million for the woman I loved back home in KZN in 2016 but found out that she’s busy with someone else. All I want is my bride price money back", he said. And, he is apparently...
Post a Comment
Read more

Teenage boy, 16, admits stabbing 15-year-old 'ex-girlfriend' in the stomach in their school canteen lunch queue

attacked with a blade It was alleged at the time that the victim was the boy's former girlfriend - neither of the two can be named for legal reasons. Appearing on a video link at Southampton Crown Court, Hants, the teenager admitted one count of wounding with intent and one count of possessing an offensive weapon. Share this article RELATED ARTICLES University lecturer, 30, just two days into his new job died of ‘rapid’ blood loss after schizophrenic man 'hearing voices' stabbed him in the stomach on his way to work through London park Parents whose newborn daughter was brain damaged when she suffocated during her first breast feed SUE the NHS 'because their midwife failed to warn them of the dangers' Judge Christopher Parker QC told the youngster his next appearance at the court will be on July 4, although he is not expected to be sentenced that day. At the time of the incident Hampshire Constabulary confirmed the 15-year-old schoolgirl suffered a puncture wo...
Post a Comment
Read more